The Real Reason You Feel “Stuck” And Unmotivated
Have you ever felt like you just can’t get started, no matter how hard you try? You tell yourself to “just push through,” but the energy isn’t there. Here’s the thing: your brain isn’t lazy or weak. It’s stuck in a state of fight or flight – a natural survival response.
When your nervous system perceives threat, it’s focused entirely on safety – and motivation takes a backseat.
Science shows that chronic stress triggers the amygdala, the brain’s fear center, flooding your body with stress hormones like cortisol and adrenaline. This overload shuts down higher brain functions needed for planning and motivation. So, what looks like procrastination or laziness is really your body signaling, “I don’t feel safe right now.”
Your Inner Sense Of Safety Matters
Safety is the antidote to chronic stress. When your brain feels safe, it switches from survival mode to a balanced state where creativity, motivation, and joy can flourish.
So how do you create this sense of safety?
Start with small, tangible steps that signal to your nervous system. This might mean creating a quiet space, reducing sensory overload, taking moments away from screen-time to reconnect with your breath, or building routines that feel predictable and soothing.
Evidence shows that practices like deep breathing or mindful movement activate the parasympathetic nervous system – the “rest and digest” mode – lowering cortisol and calming the amygdala. These simple practices might only take a brief moment, but can have a powerful positive impact on our nervous system.
Practical Tips for Creating Safety In Your Nervous System
Here are some science-backed strategies to build safety and clarity, helping you gently exit fight or flight and restore balance:
- Practice Slow, Deep Breathing: Your breath is your anchor. When everything feels chaotic, slow, intentional breathing tells your brain, “You’re safe now.” Try inhaling through your nose for 4 counts, holding gently for 4, and exhaling through your mouth for 6. Do this for a few minutes, especially when anxiety creeps in.
Studies show this activates the parasympathetic nervous system, reducing stress hormones and calming the fight-or-flight response. - Create a Consistent Routine: When life feels unpredictable, routine becomes a lifeline. Simple habits – waking up at the same time, eating nourishing meals regularly, winding down before bed – give your nervous system a sense of rhythm and control. You don’t need a packed schedule, just a few anchors in your day that say, “You can be present in this moment.”
- Limit Exposure to Stress Triggers: Your system can only take so much input. Constant exposure to negativity – like doom-scrolling the news or being around people who drain you – keeps you stuck in high alert. Give yourself permission to step back. Turn off notifications, mute certain accounts, say no more often. Protecting your peace is not avoidance… it’s healing.
- Engage in Gentle Movement: You don’t need intense workouts to regulate your body. A short walk, gentle stretching, or slow yoga can reconnect you with your body in a loving way. Movement releases endorphins and helps discharge stored stress. Try moving without pressure – just for the sake of caring for yourself, not performing or achieving.
- Ground Yourself in the Present: When your mind spirals, grounding helps bring you back to now. Press your feet into the floor. Hold something soft or textured. Look around and name five things you can see. These simple techniques reconnect you to your body and surroundings, creating a moment of safety amidst internal chaos.
- Connect with Supportive People: You don’t have to do this alone. Being seen and heard by someone who makes you feel safe can regulate your nervous system more than any solo strategy. Text a friend. Sit with someone you trust. Even thinking about someone who cares for you can lower your stress levels. We are wired for connection.
- Use Positive Self-Talk: Notice your inner voice. If it’s harsh, try softening it. Instead of “I’m lazy,” say, “I’m doing the best I can with what I have.” Instead of “I should be further ahead,” try, “I’m allowed to move at my own pace.” Self-compassion isn’t indulgent – it’s one of the most powerful regulators of stress.
- Prioritize Rest and Sleep: Rest is not a reward – it’s a necessity. Sleep is when your brain repairs and your nervous system resets. If sleep is hard, create a wind-down routine: dim the lights, avoid screens, play soft music, or listen to a calming voice. Even just lying down and breathing slowly can help your body relax.
- Seek Professional Help if Needed: There’s no shame in needing support. Everyone needs support sometimes – it’s a part of being human! Reaching out is an act of courage, not weakness. You’re not alone, and help is always within reach. Speak with your doctor or a trusted loved one to figure out how you can take steps towards finding a mental health practitioner that is right for you.
Remember, you’re not stuck because you lack motivation or energy. Your nervous system is simply trying to keep you safe.
By cultivating safety – both inside your mind and in your surroundings – you create the conditions for motivation to naturally return. Change doesn’t happen overnight, but with patience and self-compassion, you’ll move from surviving to thriving.
As Brené Brown wisely said, “Owning our story and loving ourselves through that process is the bravest thing that we’ll ever do.”
Practical tools. No fluff.
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