Reasons Why You Self-Sabotage & How to Stop

Stop Holding Yourself Back – 9 Most Common Forms of Self-Sabotage

Have you ever set a goal, got excited about it… only to end up procrastinating, doubting yourself, or abandoning it halfway through? You’re not lazy. You’re not broken. You might just be self-sabotaging. And you’re not alone – this is something many of us do, often without realising it.

Self-sabotage is when you undermine your own success or well-being, even when you consciously want things to go well.

It shows up as missed opportunities, chronic procrastination, perfectionism, unhealthy habits, or fear of failure – and sometimes, fear of success. Understanding why this happens is the first step toward breaking the cycle.

Why Do You Self-Sabotage?

At the heart of self-sabotage is fear. Fear of change, of being seen, of disappointing others – or yourself.

If deep down you believe you’re not “good enough” or not deserving of success, your actions will reflect that belief, even if you say you want to do better. Dr. Judy Ho, author of Stop Self-Sabotage, explains that self-sabotage is a defense mechanism. It protects us from perceived threats, including the discomfort that comes with growth, risk, or change.

Another major factor is unresolved past experiences. If you’ve been conditioned to expect failure, rejection or chaos, your brain sees these as familiar – and weirdly, “safe.” So when life starts going too well, part of you might panic and unconsciously steer things off course.

9 Common Ways You Might Be Self-Sabotaging

1. Procrastination – You put off important tasks, convincing yourself you’ll do it “later.” The truth? You’re avoiding the pressure of trying and possibly failing.
2. Perfectionism – You set impossible standards and then freeze, because “if it’s not perfect, what’s the point?”
3. Negative Self-Talk – “I’m not smart enough.” “I always mess things up.” These thoughts become self-fulfilling prophecies.
4. Overcommitting – Saying yes to too much and spreading yourself too thin, leaving no energy for what really matters.
5. Avoidance – Dodging hard conversations, feedback, or challenges that could actually help you grow.
6. Choosing Comfort Over Growth – Sticking with the familiar, even when it’s harmful, because it feels safe.
7. People-Pleasing – Putting others’ needs ahead of your own to avoid conflict or rejection.
8. Self-Medicating – Using food, alcohol, scrolling, or other distractions to numb stress or discomfort.
9. Fear of Success – Worrying that if you succeed, you’ll lose relationships, face higher expectations, or attract envy or pressure.

Sound familiar? The good news is, self-sabotage is a habit, not a life sentence. You can change it.

How to Stop Self-Sabotaging

Here are some simple but powerful steps to take control and shift from self-sabotage to self-support.

1. Identify Your Triggers
Start noticing when you self-sabotage. Is it when you’re about to try something new? When you’re tired? When someone praises you? Awareness is the first step. Keep a journal for a few days to track your thoughts and behaviours before you fall off track.

2. Challenge Your Inner Critic
That voice in your head that says you’re not good enough? It’s not the truth – it’s a script. Ask yourself: Would I talk to a friend like this? If not, replace the thought with a kind one. Try affirmations like: “I am capable. I am worthy of progress, not perfection.”

3. Set Realistic Goals
Break your goals into small, achievable steps. If your aim is to write a book, don’t focus on the whole thing – start with one paragraph. Small wins build confidence and momentum.

4. Replace Perfectionism With Progress
Done is better than perfect. The pursuit of perfection often leads to paralysis. Instead of trying to do it “right,” just try to do it now. Action beats overthinking every time.

5. Learn to Sit With Discomfort
Growth will feel uncomfortable. That’s normal. You’re not doing it wrong – you’re just growing. Instead of avoiding discomfort, practice noticing it, breathing through it, and moving forward anyway.

6. Practice Self-Compassion
Instead of beating yourself up for messing up, try saying: “I made a mistake, and that’s okay. I’m learning.” Self-kindness makes you more likely to stay on track – not less.

7. Set Boundaries
Say no to things that drain your energy. Create space for your goals and priorities. Remember: Every “yes” to others is a “no” to yourself unless it’s aligned with your values.

8. Surround Yourself With Supportive People
You don’t have to do this alone. Share your goals with someone you trust. Let them hold you accountable, remind you of your progress, and call you out (gently) when you slip.

9. Visualise Success
Spend time each day imagining how it feels to succeed. This conditions your brain to believe it’s possible. You’re more likely to act in ways that align with that version of you.

Self-sabotage isn’t a ‘sign of weakness’.

It means you’re human. But you can outgrow it by being honest with yourself, showing up consistently, and learning to work with your fears instead of running from them.

You already have what it takes to show up fully for your goals. Progress may not be perfect, but it’s always worth it.